The Road To Loving Me #42

matteo-paganelli-157464-unsplashI always have a really hard time when God lays something very personal on my heart to share with my Perspective By Zena T. readers and this has been one of the most difficult perspectives for me to put into words thus far. As always I pray that God has given me the words that he wants me to share with others, even if I don’t fully understand why he fills my mind and heart with certain words to share.

A couple days ago I saw a snippet of an interview that the entertainer Bobby Brown did recently, the interviewer asked him the question “what’s one lesson that you’ve learned that has aided in you being able to move on from all the bad times in your life?” Bobby Brown’s reply to this question was “learning to love myself.” I thought that was a very profound statement. Hearing those four words made me think about how the journey towards completely loving one’s self is not always an easy journey and I started to reflect upon how I feel about myself. I am at a place in life where I am able to admit that learning to love myself completely has been a gradual, endless process that at times goes at snail’s pace with many setbacks. Honestly right now at thirty-six years old I think I am just beginning to accept myself yet I am still trying to figure out who I am. I’m not even sure that makes any sense. There are many things that I love about the person that I am but after reflecting upon it I am just not sure I honestly love myself as wholeheartedly as one should.

nick-fewings-532590-unsplashPlease don’t get me wrong, I’m not at all saying that I don’t love myself, let me repeat that, I am not at all saying that I don’t love myself, I just feel like there are parts of me that are easier for me to accept and love than other parts are. I think I’m a great girl who has a good heart with a big capacity for love, caring, kindness, compassion and many other good characteristics. The reason that I say I’m not sure if I love myself as wholeheartedly as one should is because I always find myself asking God “why” in regards to who I am and my life. Why can’t I do this or that? Why can’t I be like this person or that person? Why did I have to be born with Spina Bifida? Why do I have to have so many health trials? Why am I such a deeply sensitive person? Why am I antisocial? Why can’t I be a better daughter, sister and friend? I’m not downing myself and I don’t want anyone to think that, I’m just telling you what God has placed on my heart and being truthful with myself and anyone reading this.

I have come to realize that there are parts of myself that I’ve always had a great deal of difficulty accepting therefore I am not able to thoroughly love all parts of me. I always feel like although there are things I don’t like and/or love about me and my life I am grateful for my life, but I wonder if having problems with parts of me ultimately makes me an ungrateful person, which isn’t who I want to be. I am beginning to recognize the fact that I dwell too much on my imperfections and not enough on the good parts of who I am. I admire confident people who seem to be in a place where they have learned to wholeheartedly love themselves, imperfections & all and are completely comfortable walking through life in the skin that God placed them in. I pray that God continues to work with me on my journey toward completely loving myself and allows me to some day look in the mirror and wholeheartedly love the person looking back at me and who he made me to be.

That’s just my perspective!💜

Life Is Immeasurably Precious! #41

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Psalms 139:13-15

Right now its 11pm, I am sitting on the bed thinking and feeling some things that I needed to put into words and for reasons I have yet to fully understand I feel compelled to share my thoughts and feelings with others, maybe my thoughts and feelings will help you in some way.

It seems like every day lately I am hearing of the death of someone who has at some point been a part of my journey through life. I have said it before and will surely say it again but experiencing my father’s death when I was sixteen years old changed the way that I think about life and death. I think that although we know that death is the most inevitable part of life it is always heartbreaking when we have to face the fact that we will no longer have our loved ones in this life with us, yes we’ll always have them in spirit but knowing that doesn’t always make you feel better, especially when you are in the thick of the never ending process of grieving. Most people see the death of a young person or someone who was not ill and seemingly healthy as an untimely or sudden death but I don’t think that way any longer I believe that on the day of your birth God has already planned just how long he will give you time in this life, unfortunately that time is longer for some than it is for others.

In the last week and a half the earthly journey ended for four people who were once a part of my trek through this life. I am hoping and praying that the phone doesn’t soon ring with news of another death. I thought that I had reached a point in life where hearing of death really didn’t affect me, but I’ve been proven wrong on that in the last few days. Although I am forever grateful for the lives of those four people and all my loved ones who have been called to their eternal home, I am feeling a bit melancholy because the realization that I will never see those people in this life again has hit me and I haven’t learned how to turn off that feeling. Having so much death happening around me has made me earnestly think about how immensely precious the time is that God gives us on this planet, on this side of life.

Last week I celebrated my birthday by having dinner with my small circle of close family and friends, none of them know it because I didn’t say anything, but I set at the table with them near tears thinking of how thankful, grateful and blessed I am because God not only allowed me to still have breath in my body to celebrate another year of life, but he allowed me to share time with some of the people that I love most in this world. The love that my family gives me is a blessing that I honestly don’t always feel worthy of. They love me through all situations and circumstances, flaws and all. There aren’t any words in any dictionary that I could use to describe how blessed I feel because God allowed me to be born into such an amazingly awesome family. They are my most cherished gems.

I think about my family, and the many other amazing people God has placed throughout my life, and I realize just how precious life is, and how immeasurably blessed the time God has given me thus far in this life has been. My heart is so full in this moment because all my ups and downs, good times & bad times have made me realize just how precious life truly is and I thank God for that realization.

That’s just my perspective!💜

No Expectations #38

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” Alexander Pope

More and more everyday I am learning to try and live life without any expectations. I have come to a place in my life where I try not to place expectations on other people, because I have learned that when you place expectations on others most times you end hurt and disappointed because the people around you are unable to live up to the expectations that you have placed on them. When I was younger I imagined what life would be like at the age that I am now but my life is completely different from how I imagined and expected it to be. Every morning when I wake up I try not to have any expectations of what is going to happen in my life because I am trying to be trusting of God and realize that regardless of what I’ve expected life to be like, God’s will, God’s plan for my life is what’s going to take place each and every day.

That’s just my perspective💜

Don’t Let The Load Loosen The Grasp #35

07CB4A51-98F6-4D31-B4DA-4B225A746014In my last perspective I wrote about how I feel that every thing that happens in this life is all a part of God’s plan for each of our lives. I’ve been thinking about that topic a lot more in the last few weeks probably because I have been paying closer attention to everything going on in the world around me. My perspective hasn’t changed, I still feel like everything that happens to us is already pre-planned by God. My thoughts have been on how some people say that God won’t put any more on us than we can bare. Sometimes it seems like God loads people’s lives with piles of problems with no solution in sight just to see how much they can bare or maybe its to show them their own strength. Maybe God piles a million and one problems on our backs with no solution in the foreseeable future to teach us to trust him. I think in some situations and circumstances when life has piled a load of problems on our backs and we don’t know how to keep carrying the heavy load while trying to continue to walk straight and travel through this rocky journey called life, that is just the time when God steps in and shows us that we can carry any load that life piles on our backs if we always trust in him to help us. God has the solution even before we are presented with the problem, but we have to trust that he will make a way when we don’t see how it’s even possible to do so. For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Isaiah 41:13

We all experience times when we allow our right hand to slip away from God’s grasp, because trials and tribulations that come along with living life seem to be endless, those times when the devil gets his bullhorn out sticks it right in your ear and very loudly constantly reminds you of all the problems on your back so that you can not hear God saying “just trust in me.” I have experienced various health issues in my life due to having been born with a birth defect and those are the times in my life when I personally felt like God was putting more on me than I could bare, but they are also the times when I have come to realize I am much stronger than I feel sometimes. Lately when I experience those times I try to snap out of it really quickly by reminding myself that God gave me the gift of life for a specific purpose, a purpose he hasn’t shown me yet and while he is shaping me into the person he needs me to be to fulfill that purpose he has blessed me beyond measure and I can’t allow life’s problems to make me forget that. I may not have as many problems loaded on my back as many others in this world but my life isn’t an ease everyday, I have to remind myself that I know that God didn’t promise that life would be easy, he promised not to leave or forsake me and through fourteen surgeries and many other trials God still has a tight grasp on my right hand. Sometimes I loosen that grasp a bit, when I find myself asking “Lord why me?” and questioning him when I know I shouldn’t but I always get my answer, usually not right when I want it but always when I must need it.

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

That’s just my perspective.💜

It’s All God’s Plan #34

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Psalms 32:8ESV

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9ESV


If you’ve read anything that I have previously written you are aware that it doesn’t take much to stir my thoughts, everyday just staying abreast of what’s going on around me keeps me in deep thinking mode and wanting to write about my thoughts.

I recently heard someone say that sometimes we mess up God’s plan for our lives. It was a statement made in reference to the mistakes and bad choices that we humans sometimes make in our lives. The statement really stirred my thoughts, because I am not sure I agree with that theory. I believe that everything that happens in our lives is all a part of God’s plan for you and me. My belief is that both the good and the bad things that happen in our lives are all part of God’s plan.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a scripture that speaks of God’s plan, it’s a scripture that I have probably used countless times within my writing because it’s one of my favorites. In the good news version of the bible Jeremiah 29:11 says, I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for. I think that from the time you are born into this world until the end of your life in this world God has your life all planned out, nothing that happens in your life is a surprise to God. There is nothing that you do that can mess up God’s plan for your life, because God knows what you are going to do before you do. We are all meant to go through everything that we do each and every day of our lives.

I have probably said this before, but I think God allows us to endure certain things because he wants us to learn something from the experience. You know, those times in life when the bad moments seem to occur in a domino effect, back to back and back again, those times when it seems you have more bad days than good and life makes you wonder just when will it get better. I’m sure most people may not look at those moments like I have come to look at them, but I feel like those moments just like my good times are all part of God’s plan. I have found that for me the bad times in life have been the moments that have most taught me to appreciate the gift of life. I know sometimes it seems we make mistakes or it seems we get off track in our lives but I believe that each and every thing that happens to us is all a part of God’s plan for you and me.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1Thessalonians 5:18

That’s just my perspective💜

Life Lessons 2017 Taught: #29


It’s three days before Christmas, only eleven days left in 2017 and I woke up before the sun rose this morning thinking about my perspective of the last three hundred fifty four days. I think I have truly come to terms with the fact that there are some things in this life that we have no control over. We can only control our reactions to what God has planned for our lives and we have to accept that what God has planned isn’t always going to be in accordance with what we may want. Some awfully tragic things have occurred in this world throughout this year although I have only witnessed these things through watching television I was profoundly affected by some of them, and as I have said numerous times before I am always wishing that I could be the change that I want to see in this world, but I have concluded, that would be a huge, probably impossible job for one person. I think in order for anything in this world to change in a positive way everyone who inhabits this planet is going to have to put aside all their differences, agree to disagree and come up with solid solutions to make this planet a better place for the next generations.

Living life in 2017, has taught me that trying to be positive minded isn’t easy because img_0683-1so much happens in life that can easily destroy your positive thoughts if you allow that to happen, you have to be willing to push away all the negativity and realize that you are blessed simply just being alive. This year I have been trying to teach myself not to sweat the small stuff, and be thankful that God chose to give me life, although I am always questioning my place in this world I realize that my life is a gift that I should always be grateful for. 2017 has taught me to try my best to not have expectations of other people, because when you place expectations on others and they are unable to live up to what you expect you’ll always end up hurt, especially when that expectation is that others will want to do for you in the same way that you do for them, not everyone who you expect to care about you does and those who you don’t expect to care are the ones that care more than you’ll ever realize, life is just funny that way sometimes.

After paying attention to all the negativity in this world I have decided that I want to be someone who always tries to exude positivity, love, compassion and kindness. In 2018, and all my years to come I promise myself that I am going to aim at being a person who always has a kind word for others and who attempts to put a smile on the face of others simply because it makes them feel good, I think that is so needed in this world, because we’ve stopped being kind to one another without having a reason or no expectation of reciprocation. Looking back upon 2017, I realize that it is my opinion that there are too many people (including myself sometimes) in this world who let life and all the twists and turns that it can take you through, all the obstacles and the problems we are faced with cloud our vision and make us forget just how blessed we truly are.

The last three hundred fifty four days consisted of a lot of introspection, self reflection, talks with God, observation of others, being mindful of what I post here and it has all led me to this day Friday December 22, 2017. I want to keep in mind and hope that you do too, that just to wake up to a new day, open your eyes and see all that you have been blessed with is a blessing, even if life isn’t exactly how you want it to be, waking up with a roof over your head, in a comfortable bed, with clothes on your back, more clothes in your closet, clean running water and electricity that God enables you to keep the bills paid for, that’s a blessing that unfortunately so many do not have so you should be glad about it and don’t dwell on what you don’t have or what you can’t do.

In the coming year I pray that God allows me to do much more with this blog. I also pray that my words are having a positive impact on everyone who chooses to read them. Thank you to everyone who has read my perspective up to today.

Happy Holidays to you and yours💜

A Thankful Heart #27

There is always something for which to be thankful.” Charles Dickens

pro-church-media-441073-unsplashIt’s a week before Thanksgiving and for the last few days I have been trying to come up with something to write about because I love to write, but since I started this blog the words just don’t come to my mind as often as I would like them to.

I’m sitting in a quiet room alone at home because I need silence for the words to come and I started thinking about my life and the multitude of things that I have to be thankful for. A few weeks ago in perspective #25 I wrote about how I am always questioning my purpose and my place in this world, well in the last few weeks I have been thinking a lot about that and talking to God and praying he’ll soon show me his purpose for my life. I have decided to try and stay in the frame of mind thinking that as long as God allows me to wake up each morning, he has something more planned for my life, God has some purpose for me that I have not fulfilled yet. I am an imperfect human being so I have down days when I question life like when I wrote perspective #25 but I am so thankful for this life that I have been given and as I have stated before I want to be able to make a difference in the world even if it’s only through my writing.

I am thankful for God’s grace and mercy that carries us all through each day. I am thankful for my mother who has been with me through thick, thin and everything in between, she’s getting older,she’s almost to her promised seventy, and I can’t bare the thought of maybe having to live in a world without her some day. I am thankful for that one extraordinary aunt, my second mother y’all know who she is, God didn’t make anyone else like her, the tears come when I think about what she means to me. I am thankful for my brother who tests my patience as younger brothers do to their older sisters all the time, but he also shows me that he cares just at the right moment and he gave me the best nephew ever. My brother is also one of the smartest people I know and teaches me so much daily. I am thankful for my praying ninty three year old grandmother because she is ruler of our family and is aging better than a lot of people her age. I am thankful for my godfather because he has always been like a second father to me, he is a man I admire a lot. I am thankful for my adorable, handsome, super intelligent four year old nephew, because his smile, the way he calls my name and just everything about him makes this world a better place. I am thankful for my aunts and uncles, because they all show me what strength, intelligence, courage, love, and excellence is just by being who they are. I am thankful to have been taught the importance of family and to have family members that I know will always have my back.

I am extremely thankful for all the great people that God has placed all along the way throughout this journey called life because they have influenced the person that I am. I am thankful to have a roof over my head, sadly I realize there are so many people in this world who do not have a decent place to lay their head at night. I am thankful that my life does not lack love, I am fortunate to have people who I know without any doubts love me. As crazy as it probably sounds I am thankful for my physical struggles, because they have given me strength that sometimes even I don’t realize I possess until I have to use it. I am thankful that I have family in my life like my mother, who will tell me the truth about myself regardless of whether I want to hear it or not even if it hurts me. I am thankful to have had a father who was present in my life until God said it was time for him to go. I am thankful that God made me someone who has compassion for others. I am thankful for my sensitivity and all that makes me who I am. I could fill a million sheets of paper writing about the things I am thankful for and I would still need more paper. I think that the older I get the more I am realizing that even though I question life and my place in it, I am still trying to be a positive person with a thankful heart and truly appreciate all that I have been given.

This year on Thanksgiving as you sit around the table with your loved ones look around and think about your life and all that you have to be thankful for I know I will.💜

Now Is The Time To Talk #26


I am sure we all know by now that two days ago there was another mass shooting, this time at a church in a small town in Texas where multiple adults and children were killed by a single gunman. I hate to see such horrific acts of violence especially when children are involved and now once again I have all sorts of things running through my mind about all the violence that is occurring in this country daily. Specifically, I have been thinking about how after all the mass shootings that have occurred in the last few years everyone starts talking about gun laws and mental illness. Some say that right after such a horrible crime has been committed is not the right time to discuss gun laws, because so many families are grieving and its disrespectful, some believe that the shooters in these incidences have some sort of mental illness.

My question is when is it time to discuss these subjects? I honestly do not know what the gun laws are in the state where I live or what federal gun laws are, I guess I have never bothered to research that because I don’t think that I will ever want to purchase a gun. It seems to me that guns are far too easy to obtain, and I think that needs to change. I realize that guns are not always used for evil, but too often they are used for extremely evil acts of violence and I feel that if that can be prevented by changing some of the gun laws then why not change them. I really don’t understand what the issue is with our elected government officials who make the laws. I am also very aware of the fact that even if the gun laws are changed to make it much harder to purchase them people will still be able to obtain them illegally. I guess that gun control is a very difficult thing to even discuss because people have so many differing opinions about the subject, but something has got to change because there is entirely too much gun violence happening every day.

Mental illness is something that seems to be rarely discussed publicly, it seems to me that in some cultures and communities within this country mental health is a taboo subject, it is something that is kept secret amongst family members and maybe close friends. People suffer in silence with depression and other mental health issues because they are afraid of what others will say or because in certain cultures seeing a psychiatrist is heavily criticized. I am sure that many people will take issue with me for saying so but in some cases when awful violence such as the recent mass shootings occurs I honestly question whether the shooters really have some sort of mental illness or not. It seems like some of these people have built up anger and rage because of certain things that have happened in their lives and they lose all regard for their lives and the lives of others, it’s like they are seeking revenge for something. I mean I am no doctor and I have only read a small amount of information on mental illnesses so that’s just my opinion and something that I think about after these acts of violence have happened. I just cannot make any sense out of someone purchasing multiple guns and planning to murder people. What happens in a person’s mind that tells them that they need to kill? Its baffling to me.

I am always saying that I wish that I could be the change that I would like to see in this world, but I can’t figure out how to fix this one and it bothers me so badly that we seem to have become accustomed to the horrific violence that happens in not only this country but in the world. What I do know is that right now today is the right time to have intensive discussions about making some changes so that horrifically sad acts of violence like what occurred in Sutherland Springs, Texas two days ago can possibly be prevented or will no longer happen at all.💜

Thoughts On A Thursday Morning #23


I recently celebrated my 35th birthday and I’ve been thinking about how the older I get, the more my perspective about many things in my life has completely changed. I am realizing who I am, what things I like & dislike about myself and what is most important to me. This week I have been spending a little time with some of my family and doing a lot of reflecting on my life in my quiet time. A few days ago I attended the homegoing (funeral) service for my grandparents’ neighbor, a man that I have known all my life, who I beheld as a grandfather and who was very special to me. For me death is always one of those things that puts life into perspective and makes me think about life in depth. I set at this homegoing service thinking about how I never told this man how special he was to me and how much I learned about neighborly love & kindness from him and his family. I set there listening to several people talk about him and their friendships with him and the life that he led and all that I heard made me think about the saying “give me my flowers while I live.” Often times it seems to me that we wait to shower people with praises at their funeral and I don’t understand that.

A few days after the funeral that I attended, I had a conversation with another special man in my life, my godfather, our conversation was about how I want to be someone who always treats people like I would like to be treated, in other words I would like to be someone who always tries to treat other people fairly, because I see so many people treating one another so poorly in this world. I’d like my life to be about always trying to spread love, kindness, and compassion and making others smile even temporarily. I’d like to be someone who gives people their flowers while they live.

All of my reflections and experiences in the last few days reminded me of my childhood and all the love that I grew up around which I think has helped to shape parts of who I am, how I think, and my beliefs about so many things in this life. I grew up surrounded by the type of love that I feel doesn’t exist in this world anymore. When I was a little girl I had several people in my life who I always felt cared about me even though we were not related to one another, we were family. A lot of those people have completed their earthly journey and transitioned into the next life, which saddens me but reflecting upon my childhood and my time with the many great people that God placed throughout my life has made me realize that children don’t seem to grow up like I did any longer, it is like the world is a completely different place and its void of love and real kindness. I can remember spending my summer vacation from school in the community where my maternal grandparents lived, where everyone was like family. My cousins and I could go to anyone’s house along the street and feel at home, like we were with family. It’s just not like that anymore, in some communities neighbors live beside one another for years and don’t ever take the time to get to know each other.

I have started to fully realize how grateful I am to have had many good experiences with some great people as a child, because I learned some very valuable life lessons and have a lot of great memories to cherish for the rest of my life. This week, visiting my family in the community where I have spent a lot of time in my life has made me question, when did this world become so void of the kind of love and togetherness that I feel like I grew up around. In the last few days, I’ve had a lot of time to think about how I would like to be someone who brings positivity, light and love into the lives of others just as a lot of the people I grew up around did for me.💜

What Is Happening? Turbulent Times #21

For the last few days my spirit has been so weakened because I’ve been thinking about all that is going on in the world right now, so I decided to write about it and purge everything that I have been feeling, because that always helps me. I think that I have said in a few previous posts that I believe that everything happens for a reason, a reason that God does not always reveal to you as soon as you might like. For the majority of my years over 21, I’ve believed that there is also a lesson in everything that occurs in life, but now I’m at a point in life where it seems like I am always asking God to please reveal to me why he is allowing certain things to happen in the world, because there is so much happening that I just don’t understand. It feels to me like everything and everyone in this world has just gone awry and things have got to change for the betterment of us all.

Something else that I have stated in previous posts is that I try not to watch the news very often because of all the negativity that is happening in the world that unfortunately gets televised, but because I am interested in what’s going on in the world around me, lately I have been watching the news more often. Everyday there are numerous stories on the news about someone’s life ending due to some form of violence, most times there is a gun involved. I am truly saddened & heartbroken by the fact that we live in such chaotic times where people resort to killing one another over temporary anger, or things that are completely meaningless, things that are definitely not worth taking or losing precious life. There is so much selfishness being exhibited amongst the people who are supposed to be running this country, it seems as though they all only care about themselves and doing whats going to be beneficial to only themselves.

All of these things make me wonder what is happening in this world that I’m living in, this world that my three year old nephew is growing up in, the world where he’ll become a man. I grew up being taught not to question God, but honestly I do question God & pray he’ll give me clarity. I don’t understand why it is that God is allowing us to live in such turbulent times, times when one can’t watch the news without hearing about young people killing one another, times when it seems as though the world is completely lacking positivity, love, kindness, and compassion. We are living in times where it seems as though we don’t value one another, times where too much selfishness is exhibited, a time when babies’ lives end due to unnecessary violence. We’re living in a time where young children make the decision to end their own lives because of being bullied by other children who I am sure learn that behavior from someone older. I don’t understand right now what the reason is and definitely not what the lesson will be in the future, but I will try to continue to follow the advice of my grandmother and Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.💜

Simple Sunday Morning Reflections #18

0DF4EEA3-DD57-453E-B9E6-7B92C92E0E87When life starts to twist & turn, and throw obstacles in your path that cloud your vision and make you unable to see a way out of certain situations and circumstances, do not lose faith & trust in God because he will always clear your path unto brighter days.

“Your situation does not determine your future. God will give you a fresh start because He has a destiny for you to fulfill.” ~Joel Osteen

“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacles.” ~Christian D. Larson

Moment of Clarity – #8

A few months ago I wrote a post on Facebook about how I think that God sometimes sends us signs in our daily lives that make us stop and think and completely changes our outlook on life. The experience that I wrote about on Facebook is one that has stayed in my mind since it occurred and even though it may seem simple to some the experience was very significant to me and has changed my perspective on life in several ways.

In August I went to have some repairs made on my leg braces, it is something that I had not done in a long while so I had forgotten how long I might be there. I probably should have taken something to read with me because the apps on my cell phone just were not entertaining me. I was experiencing the beginning of a migraine before I left home so the brace repair company was really the last place I wanted to be at that point in time. I was sitting there bored, in pain, getting impatient with a million things running through my mind. All of a sudden in the room where I was I saw a prosthetic leg that was made for a small child. It had been so long since the last time I was there I had forgotten that prosthetics were made there.

I took that experience as God telling me that things could be so much worse in my life. I found myself apologizing to God aloud for constantly dwelling on the things that I feel are negative parts of my life. Since God gave me that moment of what I consider clarity I have tried to stop thinking as negatively as I have in the past about the parts of my life that I am unsatisfied with. During the months since my moment of clarity anytime I have down days I pray and try to push myself back into the frame of mind of thinking and believing I am alive because God has a specific purpose for me to fulfill and a reason for placing me where I am.

My prayer since that day is that God continues to help me think positively, that he helps me to learn to not dwell so much on the negative aspects of my life while he is continuing to prepare me to fulfill his purpose for me. I pray that the moment God shows me what that purpose is that my ears, eyes and heart are open to receiving and understanding it  and ultimately fulfilling it as he wants me to.💜